I hate to think of this as the end of Steve's blog. It's something that I looked forward to reading as much as all of you. Sometimes it was my way of finding out what really was going on in his head the last couple of years. I'm not an eloquent writer like Steve was. One the many things I will miss terribly about him. I wanted to say "thank you" to all who supported Steve and our family throughout these long difficult months. I also wanted to say how very grateful I am for all the friends who who have been such a huge support for the kids and I since Steve passed away. You are all truely unbelievably kind and generous.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Hotx6JOl7I Memorial video

 

http://www.coloradoan.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070415/NEWS01/704150341/1002&GID=DosFtx9k4pEnocRAogRn+1FuK3mo7hV8w0g4NSCsn1g%3D Newspaper Article

 

http://www.coloradoan.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070415/VIDEO/70415001/1002 Newspaper Video

 

 

 

The family asks that in lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the "Meersman Children Educational Fund" at

 

 

 

 

 

 

Steve dictated this entry on Tuesday, March 27, 2007.

 

"There has been a turn for the worse.  My recent pulmonary function is 10% of expected.  Much of the past few weeks have been dedicated to breathing (or trying to breath).  I am currently in the hospital (McKee Hospice Care Center in Loveland, Colo.)  Treating aspiration pneumonia and my failing lungs.  Hopefully, I will make an entry from my house in the near future."

Those of us with ALS could sure use this 70's technology right now!

 

The following is an essay from Fox News.com’s religious contributor, Father Jonathan Morris.  Its longer then most of my recent entries, but read it all.  I have not directly expressed my spiritual beliefs and many readers have commented on this fact.  I am Roman Catholic.  Posting this essay is, in a way, to challenge readers to ask what God means to them and to further my earlier contention that we have been dumbed-down.  I believe humans are truly spiritual beings; we all have a desire to be spiritually connected.  Being spiritual requires thought, understanding and time.  Our modern hectic lives have made faith and religion obsolete and very un-glamorous. If God can’t fit into a sixty minute TV format we no longer have the brain-power or appropriate reasoning skills to begin to bring Him into our lives.  Read on

 

 

Scientology and Modern Depictions of the Divine

By Father Jonathan Morris

Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, and Jenna Elfman, among others, have catapulted Scientology to the forefront of post-modern religious expression. Some Hollywood watchers have called the phenomenon the “Kabbalah” of 2007.

It would be to take potshots at Scientology’s more outrageous tenets, but I think it is more fair and helpful to ask what is fueling the craze. I want to approach the question from the opposite direction: what is turning people away from traditional religion?

I think there are lots of reasons, including the scandalous antics of some religious leaders. But, from my experience, the biggest reason is a misconception of who God is in the first place.

Below, I will lead you through a few categories of what I consider to be common and false depictions of the divine. Each, I believe, influences negatively our understanding of God, and therefore makes more attractive the latest craze in religious expression, whatever it may be.

 

1) God the Vending Machine

God the Vending Machine is a machine we use to get what we want. Drop the coins, express our wish, and hope it works. Once we’ve got our product we are back to our busy life and the vending machine is long forgotten. When we don’t receive an instant response, we assume the God machine is broken. We press the buttons harder, just in case, and hit the coin return to get our money back.

2) God the Clockmaker

The clockmaker God is the Supreme Being who sets things in motion, like the inner workings of a good Swiss watch, and leaves us to our own fate. He is “out there somewhere” but is not really in touch with reality. He looks down on the world from a distance and doesn’t really care or just can’t do anything about our problems. He is a bit like us when we watch a bunch of ants fighting a life-and-death combat. At most he is amused, but he surely won’t interfere. He is the watchmaker who got the thing going and now just watches it tick. The wise creator has capped his quill pen and allows us essentially to write our own demise. If the world is to be saved, it’s up to us because God isn’t about to intervene.

3) God of the Buffet

Perhaps the most common depiction of someone like God is what I like to call God of the Buffet. As we go through the buffet line we pick what we want: a salad, a little pasta, roast beef, some potatoes, another veggie, and then some fresh fruit and a little cheesecake to top it off. Likewise we pick out our beliefs. We may take Buddhist meditation, Hindu mysticism, the Jesus figure of love and forgiveness, a touch of New Age, and, of course, we leave out the rules.

In the end, the God of the Buffet boils down to intellectual and religious relativism. It holds that truth is subjective, and so each of us can choose his religion as he likes, all of them being equally valid. Instead of acknowledging that God is perfect, the God of the Buffet is mutable. He is employed as a motivating, comforting, or disciplinary force when it’s convenient. He vanishes when we no longer need belief.

4) God the Cop

He’s the cop just waiting to catch me speeding. If I’m not perfect, he’s against me, and eventually he’ll catch me. He is the wrathful God of fire and brimstone. We subordinate God’s supposed attributes of love and forgiveness to images of a vengeful God—based primarily on recollections of Old Testament accounts.

God is not a father. He is not a mother. He is just an old man ticked off by so much sin. We fear even minor infractions may stir him to strike back, to send a lightening bolt hurling from the heavens. God the Cop keeps us in line by offering punishment and reward. We are much like a puppy that will roll over or beg once he learns that he won’t get a treat if he doesn’t.

5) God as Dessert

God is dessert sitting in the freezer for later. He is the fine china collecting dust in the cabinet that we think we might need for some important dinner party at some point in the future.

In other words, I don’t need God now. I’m saving him for later. God and faith require too much time and energy. I want to spend the prime of my life on other things. Not getting too involved in religion also keeps me in the bliss of ignorance. I prefer to live without the guilty conscience that I assume will inevitably accompany the pursuit of religious truth.

God bless, Father Jonathan

 

 

 

 

  

 

i am really okay.

 

i am just sick and tired of being sick and tired

thanks for your concern

What did I do to anger God?

Nice guys finish last

 

I’ve never felt so confined, trapped

Little hope

Little joy

Like a stone in a rushing stream

 

I need an exit strategy

How much more can I take

some friends have worked rather laboriously to set up educational trusts for my kids.  i won't use this "space" for fund raising, so the group created www.stevemeersman.com thanks to everyone involved for thinking about my kids

  

 

 

 

 

The government wants my brain…

 

and spinal cord.  Yes, as a veteran I have been included in the VA's  ALS database.  They already have a sample of my DNA.

 

So, I am asking you, my readers, whether I should allow the VA to remove my central nervous system after I’m done using it.  It's not like I can take it with me.

 

 

 

I don’t like going to the doctor.   I saw the pulmonologist this week.  My respiratory function is in the dirt.  In 3 months my function has gone down by 15%.  So I am down to 31% of expected.   Fortunately I don’t have any “air hunger”, but I have had more aspiration, or food going down the “wrong pipe”. This sucks particularly since I can’t cough.

 

It is very sobering to think that given my current rate of decline, that within the next six months, I will have single digit function.

 

I am going out on a limb.  What I have included in today’s post will cause many readers to call me crazy and maybe un-American.  But consider this…I am a smart guy (I'm a doctor, damn it).  I have learned to be critical of most things I read and hear (my dad always said don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see and he said before the internet).  I consider myself to be a scientist; I am socially and politically conservative. I really hate politics.  I also spent 10 years as an Air Force officer.  All that said I can’t get out of my mind the images from 9/11/2001.

 

We have not been told the whole story or maybe not even the real story. 

The first link is to a well done 90 minute film arguing against the official version of the events. Please take the time to watch it.  There are many out there this is the best I've seen.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7866929448192753501&q=loose+change+recut

 

I believe in examining both sides so, below is a link rebutting any conspiracy theory.   This is an audio pod cast.  It answers many question I have. 

http://www.popularmechanics.com/technology/military_law/1227842.html

 

I am worried about this country.  I have written about the dumbing of generations of Americans including mine.  Our government along with big business has been caught in scandal and lies before. But with an overworked, complacent and scared population with a little spin and “Proud to be an American” by Lee Greenwood played a few dozen times it’s easy to not question and move on.  Have a look and listen.  I still am not sure  where I stand.  I simply want you think.

 

 

 

Sometimes
I wish I was brave
I wish I was stronger
I wish I could feel no pain
I wish I was young
I wish I would try
I wish I was honest
I wish I was you not I

‘Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callous
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, fabricated
Let’s start over
Let’s start over

Sometimes
I wish I was smart
I wish I made cures for
How people are
I wish I had power
I wish I could leave
I wish I could change the world
For you and me

‘Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callous
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, fabricated
Let’s start over
Let’s start over

 

We had a really great weekend.  Today is my 40th birthday.  To celebrate, On Saturday I had lunch with my friend Frank and Bob.  We then proceeded to a local brewery for their annual celebration of beer and general craziness.  This was all to keep me out of the house while a surprise party was being put together.  My wife put together an awesome gathering.  She had been working on the party for many weeks.  Upon our return to the house I was speechless. There were more than 50 people in attendance. Friends, family and neighbors from all over Colorado were here.

What was really surprising were the guests who came from around the country. My friend Mike from Virginia flew in for the day as well as our friends the Seales from Utah.  My old friend Tor flew in from California and Laura came from Indiana.  I am still in disbelief over all of the effort put forth by these people to come to my party.  I’ve posted a few pictures from the gathering …thank you all… for everything.